( as for Everybody else pestering me to say something in this mess… Ya know who ya are, but your asses are probably Not gonna like what I say…and if you try to take any of it out of context that aspect of me you fear will be allllllll over you.)
Dear R. Kelly,
People who know that I write sci-fi about survivors of child abuse fucking killing every damn body in revenge have been fucking with me over my kinda-sorta silence on the topic of you to the point of screaming “Say Something!”
The problem is…those motherfuckers ain’t gonna like ANY thing I say.
Do I have an opinion?
In fact, I bluntly stated that on Instagram at the start of this mess.
But my opinions don’t mean shit in this, just like the opinions of those villifying you to your face or cheering this shit on off in the cut don’t mean shit.
What -if I’m going to say Anything- I think it’d help You to get…is your Opinion on what you’ve done doesn’t mean shit either.
Here’s the thing.
What nobody wants to hear… but everybody really fucking needs to hear is this:
You are a grown-assed man who was molested by a 14 or 15 year old girl when you were a little boy. & nobody did shit about it. Which mentally normalized it, “made it okay.” & You’re not the only one.
So… Anybody saying To You that 15 year olds should not be seen as sexual options to you, a now grown man who was sexually targeted by a young teenaged girl as a child without it being addressed is fighting a losing battle they can never win.
That’s got nothing to do with opinions. It’s just fucking fact. They can say it is wrong until they’re blue in the balls or face.
It won’t change shit because you know what the fuck you actually went through as a kid.
And You? You could even be like “Look at all I’ve accomplished in spite of that! Basically being raped as a kid didn’t block ANY of my success!So all that abuse shit? It’s not that big a deal! It didn’t affect me at all so fuck y’all!”
The problem is this:
You, a fucking genius … have gotten nowhere NEAR What you were actually capable of artistically due to being caught in this fucking loop of the abused ignoring the harm done by the abuse so much that he becomes the fucking abuser himself.
…It’s actually awkward to watch it come out…that all these years after a 14 year old tied you up and molested you as a little boy…you have spent 40 years…convincing other 15 year olds-who were turned out by some other grown-assed man before they got anywhere Near your ass-to let you handcuff Them to things and lock them in closets. Even the whole pissing on some kid whose own parents gave her to you for their own benefit- all your lyrics-
You’re utterly mindfucked by the event you keep telling yourself didn’t affect you.
& You have subconsciously done everything you can to not deal with this shit. You’ve Even surrounded yourself with motherfuckers just like the enabling fucks around that first teen-aged girl that was molesting you.
But know what part is the biggest trip in this whole fucked up situation?
It’s Your deciding not to grow past the mentality of a 14 year old boy. Fuck your success-that ain’t got shit to do with age-14 year old boys who have to hustle like a motherfuck. But Like…the never fully learning to read…even after this shit started to hit the fan?
…All the other loops people are seeing and bitching at you about. But the pattern of locking your “self” at 14 …when you were like what, 10(?)… Proves you know that what Happened to you was wrong.
If you were locking yourself up behavior-wise at ten, acting like a ten year old who needed his ass whupped it’d be a whole ‘nother deal. It’d be clear-cut “Omg, he’s on ptsd autopilot! He doesn’t even recognize this is wrong” type shit.
You’re not doing that.
You’re locking yourself up and refusing to go past the point of 14…like Even YOUR Soul knew as a kid, even then, the age you should’ve been For her to be messing with you.
(And we can make all the noise we want about no teenaged girls or boys Should be doing Shit sexually even with each other but we all know it’s utter bullshit because since the 70s the entire society primes them early on to do just that. Not dealing with That creates the playground the pedophile hides on the outskirts of.)
YOU know what you’ve been doing at 52 is wrong. Same way you know their parents putting their kids in your line of sight hoping to buy a car off their kid’s ass is wrong too.
Just because you’ve been victimized does not mean you get to make more victims forever.
You’ve let the lil chick who raped you in a closet turn you into a troll under a bridge. For 30+ years. All of this is HER power over You. You’re letting her win like some evil witch in a fairytale.
There’s no teenaged girl, barely legal or otherwise, that is going to help you defeat that witch by fucking her instead. Every chick that’s been willing to be trapped by you is that witch Still defeating you. Every person who has enabled your keeping on with this shit works for that witch to keep Your TRUE ass under Her lock & key.
You have no fucking idea the songs that were MEANT to come through you…that still could…if only you’d fix this.
& I’m not talking about a photo-op fix this kinda shit we see all the time.
You don’t get to play fucking victim until you set the(mental and physical) captives free. And doing it for any other reason than to free your fucking self ain’t gone stick.
If those current chicks are yours…they’ll be yours after you go get your fucking Mind right for a few years. Have the balls to set’em free. If they can only be yours on lockdown they ain’t yours and you ain’t theirs. Man the fuck up and face whatever it actually is so you Can move the fuck on.
Fuck a cry for help.
Fuck somebody coming.
YOU go Get help.
YOU search Out help.
You flipped the passive victim energy by becoming an active, serial victimizer.
& everyone needs to Get that most pedophiles were molested as kids. It Doesn’t excuse their actions as adults, but that’s the biggest proof there is that childhood sexual abuse fucks people up (& fuck the Kinsey report findings. He was leading a ring. #wholenotherpost).
Take the corrupted energetic force of all that and re-direct it to being help for your damned self instead of just dealing with what comes to you.
Because you built out “your kingdom” only allowing certain shit into its walls. Which means you set it up to have to get on your fucking horse and ride out of there to find help.
& Go learn to read better. Whole bunch of motherfuckers with dyslexia out here who have learned to read anyhow. Don’t let the witch trap you with that shit on top of all else.
It’s like you are not letting yourself live beyond the age She was when she raped you, like you’re in this weird walking coma due to the event.
Maaan, Your posedly rich-broke ass can pay the expense of having two fucking gorgeous, black, live -in girlfriends(even when you “downsizing lol)…motherfucker hire a fucking reading Tutor lol!
I mean, come the fuck on! And not a fucking teenaged tutor, dammit. Find an old librarian who doesn’t known naan a R. Kelly song. Go to fucking Idaho, shit. Something.
…I do not know you.
But I saw where this shit was coming from and headed a long time ago.
…Because real talk?
You know you deserve a bullet in the face for all You’ve done. Regardless of what started it in you, you have Consciously continued to repeat this, built in ways to keep this shit up.
Stop tempting the universe to deliver the bullet you know is technically deserved through some pissed off now grown chick you were fucking with when she was stupid & underage or some parent you bought off way back when…after they lose that ill-gained house you got for them.
I hope you handle your shit without somebody having to take it to that kinda bullet shit to scare the other motherfuckers emboldened by all this.
Because recognize this: Any person you Fucked with when they were underage can kill you and plead no fucking contest. Even ANY woman you’ve abused. Even Any family member any of those women confided in can even plead momentary insanity and get minimal time for showing up at your favorite fn McDonald’s and harming you.
Because of your deciding to show out in 2019.
…and only you know how many there have really been. Only you can truly guess many possibles could be waiting at any turn to take matters into their own hands.
…but Maybe that’s what you want.
Maybe that’s safer to you than “facing the witch” & breaking the spell so you can stop acting like a rich-assed troll under a bridge ready to pounce…because being like this is the only ‘adulthood’ you’ve ever known.
Maybe you’d rather die in this current state, all “No Regrets,” instead of facing the unknown on the other side of actually going to heal the wounds you got being sexually traumatized as a child.
There are more now adult people who Were abused as kids who fucking figured out a way Through the minefield aftermath of that shit Without repeating the shit than adults who stayed in that prey/predator loop.
Both are choices.
You can choose differently than you have so fucking far…or not.
Not going to tell you to buy my books. I will say the “bad guy” in the dark tale I wrote…is a grown woman who consciously & viciously molested every niece and nephew she could when she was in high school and they were little kids.
Her victims came together as adults, strung her and all her enablers up and massacred them all…on tape.
…At the Start of the story.
But there’s a twist.
Coming. In the next couple of books. An unbelievably dark one. It is in deference to what makes the twist Coming necessary in the series that I’m even writing to you.
Because like I said earlier, I saw where this shit was coming from and headed a long time ago.
…Good luck fixing this shit.
Before it truly gets to where you can’t.
Author of the Grievechronicles.