Daddy issues./Globalboho.

There’s been a violent burst of energy from Cleveland regarding my estranged Dad, so much so I thought he had died and I was not being told.

After centering myself in who my actual family is (me, myself& minime[i]) I tracked down the aunt who lives next to him. All that’s been hounding me since December screamed bloody murder as if I were to continue to take their attacks in lieu of finding out the truth to silence all the noise.

He’s not dead in the traditional sense.

But he changed his numbers and Refuses to give them to most of his family. Which, for someone whose make-up regarding family is like the blue wall of cop-dom may as well be.

It’s always the slips in the conversation that can help one see clearly. Apparently there’s a grandkid running around spooking them at 4 with her blatant indigoness to such an extent they are whispering she’s “like Angel.” Which absently translates to woke enough to pick up where I left off and kill all y’all if yall try shit again…And means I’m praying for the grandkid.

His vitriol has also finally spilled over on the person who sexually abused me (&my siblings) as a child and now she’s avoiding him like the plague he should’ve been on her ass when she was spitefully destroying kids.

And all of his siblings have been harranging him over the corvette he’s still held onto, no one understanding why. It was as if thunder struck when I said “he’s holding onto it for me, it’s technically mine,” followed by well “it hasn’t been driven in years, you’re going to have to put about ten grand into it to drive it-” & her shock that I can now drive.

…asked if I wanted her to get the number he was refusing to give everyone for me.

“Nope, just tell him I checked in to make sure he ain’t dead yet.” Which she purred she was going to enjoy doing.

Funny thing is she’ll rub it in his face not even understanding he’ll take it as coded I love you, mean ass…and I see what you’re doing from me.

Cause when he starts his mean-assed shit I’m very do yer thing with him. & the people catching his fire should’ve been burnt to the ground decades ago. &how the fuck they know how much work the car needs when he ain’t talking to them enough to-blah blah blah.

Instead of me acting like him he’s finally acting like me lol.

Crazy ass. How you gone turn off ya phones & get new numbers when y’all bought homes next to each other? and then you telllllll them “I’m not giving the #s to you because I don’t want to talk to y’all asses?” Lol.

That is some old me shit right there. Once you’ve gotten me to fuck you over your shit your ass can move in across the street-it’s not going to make a difference. & if you push me when you have gotten me to done, you’re going to be crying to everyone about the fucking monster I am.

…They need to leave him alone to heal.

Weirdly bittersweet.

& I told him to sell that fn car.

But I gotta admit I did have a lucid dream of driving it Since I’ve actually learned to drive. I’d forgotten how low to the ground that baby is.

So he’s…dying…but maybe it’s the rebirth kind of dying necessary in #metoo times like these.

This is a reckoning/repentance age for his entire generation in so many relational directions.

She asked me if I was ever coming back to Cleveland. Told her no. Simply bullet-pointed why regarding my immediate family. She stopped short of “What about the rest of us?” Like God reminded her in that instant how even she lied to detectives & hid the abuser from the investigation for the sake of ‘family’. Aka saving face, cannibalizing one gen to feed the beast created by the crimes of the elder.

It is the first time I’ve spoken to any of them since completing & releasing the first ten books.

Peaceful.

To the chagrin of what has been ailing me.

Sacral shit.

My back is a lil better.

What My college fund was dumped into sitting in an fn garage looking sexy lol, still pissing both sides of the family off because he won’t let them at its fiberglass hotness. True education.

He’s fine.

God got him.

& I’ve torched my iiiii will 2×4 you tool. It’s not my job. He has to do the reconstruction work himself lol. Just like we all do.

-AB

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